2008 Woodie Awards
When I look in the mirror, I recognize the person looking back
By: Jess Hylton
Issue date: 4/18/08 Section: Forum
Our society places great emphasis on individuality. We are encouraged to express our unique selves, and to pursue our personal aspirations and beliefs.
I believe that in most friendships or relationships each person desires this individuality for the other as well as for him or herself. They want to be true to who they are, and for the other person to recognize and accept them for those very qualities. Likewise, they want to know who the other person is, not a character they are good at portraying.
There is, however, a catch to being unique, to being open with another. In my experience there are times where being yourself is inconvenient. In certain situations it seems as though being who you are may hinder you from progressing with another person. This is especially true, but not limited to, relationships.
Often when you meet someone you are attracted to, you get the usual nervous butterflies and the extremely shy or exaggerated interactions. A determination is usually made, one that defines who that person is compatible with and what they expect from their significant other.
This is when a person begins to tread onto dangerous ground. Because they want the other individual to share the same attraction, they may "tweak" who they are in order to become who they believe the other person would want.
It may start out doing small things, like laughing at a joke you really do not think is funny, or accepting certain behaviors that would normally be considered disrespectful. However, small changes to your character or personality, more often than not, grow into larger compromises. You begin to become another person.
During this stage when both individuals are getting to know each other, it is especially harmful to compromise who you are. The reasons for this being that neither you nor the other person really knows who each other are. If you start off being someone else, how will they ever know you?
One may think that they should be who the other person wants, just until they have them "hooked." Perhaps then, one might think, they can slowly break the other in to getting to know who they really are. This idea, sadly, is not implausible. Nevertheless, you are not guaranteed the amount of time you may need for this "breaking-in" process. Furthermore, you may squander the potential relationship because of this fake identity, and there are few things more frustrating than losing someone under false pretenses.
I believe that in most friendships or relationships each person desires this individuality for the other as well as for him or herself. They want to be true to who they are, and for the other person to recognize and accept them for those very qualities. Likewise, they want to know who the other person is, not a character they are good at portraying.
There is, however, a catch to being unique, to being open with another. In my experience there are times where being yourself is inconvenient. In certain situations it seems as though being who you are may hinder you from progressing with another person. This is especially true, but not limited to, relationships.
Often when you meet someone you are attracted to, you get the usual nervous butterflies and the extremely shy or exaggerated interactions. A determination is usually made, one that defines who that person is compatible with and what they expect from their significant other.
This is when a person begins to tread onto dangerous ground. Because they want the other individual to share the same attraction, they may "tweak" who they are in order to become who they believe the other person would want.
It may start out doing small things, like laughing at a joke you really do not think is funny, or accepting certain behaviors that would normally be considered disrespectful. However, small changes to your character or personality, more often than not, grow into larger compromises. You begin to become another person.
During this stage when both individuals are getting to know each other, it is especially harmful to compromise who you are. The reasons for this being that neither you nor the other person really knows who each other are. If you start off being someone else, how will they ever know you?
One may think that they should be who the other person wants, just until they have them "hooked." Perhaps then, one might think, they can slowly break the other in to getting to know who they really are. This idea, sadly, is not implausible. Nevertheless, you are not guaranteed the amount of time you may need for this "breaking-in" process. Furthermore, you may squander the potential relationship because of this fake identity, and there are few things more frustrating than losing someone under false pretenses.
Be the first to comment on this story