2008 Woodie Awards
To share or not to share?
A boyfriend's suggested guide to keeping his thoughts to himself
By: Emily Rippe
Issue date: 3/21/08 Section: Pulse
Two words you should never say to your girlfriend unless referring to said girlfriend: "She's hot!"
And the same goes for the ladies. Though he may find you saying those words to be just a little kinky, never substitute the "She's" for "He's".
You ask, but Emily, isn't honesty the best policy? I mean, shouldn't I always let my significant other know what I'm thinking?
In most cases, yes, it is considerate and expected of you to be truthful in a relationship. However, there is a difference between telling the truth and stating unnecessary information.
And how exactly do you make that distinction?
When it comes to honesty, always let your partner know what it is about him or her that you like or don't like in a tactful way. These are praises and criticisms that can help improve your relationship.
Maybe that's too generic. I find it harder to pinpoint things you can say rather than things you should not say. Let me make a list.
Signs that what you are thinking about saying to your boyfriend or girlfriend is unnecessary:
1. The statement will cause more harm than good. For example, a simple phrase like "She's hot!" is unnecessary if you're just thinking aloud. There is really no justification for telling someone you care about that you are openlychecking out other people. This will just make your partner feel insecure and could potentially lead to an argument.
2. The statement is about your significant other's friends. You shouldn't have to be told this, but even joking about how hot his or her friends are is completely unacceptable. Not only will this cause a fight, but it could hurt their friendship as well.
3. The statement is being said to purposefully get a rise out of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't be a passive-aggressive chump. If you're already upset about something, be honest about what's upsetting you. Both of you know that this has nothing to do with that attractive stranger at McDonalds.
Maybe you can't categorize your comment from the above three examples. The best way to decide whether to bite your tongue or not is to ask yourself, "Would I want to know this information if it was coming from my partner?" Chances are that if you could survive better without knowing this "truth" in particular, than so can your significant other.
And the same goes for the ladies. Though he may find you saying those words to be just a little kinky, never substitute the "She's" for "He's".
You ask, but Emily, isn't honesty the best policy? I mean, shouldn't I always let my significant other know what I'm thinking?
In most cases, yes, it is considerate and expected of you to be truthful in a relationship. However, there is a difference between telling the truth and stating unnecessary information.
And how exactly do you make that distinction?
When it comes to honesty, always let your partner know what it is about him or her that you like or don't like in a tactful way. These are praises and criticisms that can help improve your relationship.
Maybe that's too generic. I find it harder to pinpoint things you can say rather than things you should not say. Let me make a list.
Signs that what you are thinking about saying to your boyfriend or girlfriend is unnecessary:
1. The statement will cause more harm than good. For example, a simple phrase like "She's hot!" is unnecessary if you're just thinking aloud. There is really no justification for telling someone you care about that you are openlychecking out other people. This will just make your partner feel insecure and could potentially lead to an argument.
2. The statement is about your significant other's friends. You shouldn't have to be told this, but even joking about how hot his or her friends are is completely unacceptable. Not only will this cause a fight, but it could hurt their friendship as well.
3. The statement is being said to purposefully get a rise out of your boyfriend or girlfriend. Don't be a passive-aggressive chump. If you're already upset about something, be honest about what's upsetting you. Both of you know that this has nothing to do with that attractive stranger at McDonalds.
Maybe you can't categorize your comment from the above three examples. The best way to decide whether to bite your tongue or not is to ask yourself, "Would I want to know this information if it was coming from my partner?" Chances are that if you could survive better without knowing this "truth" in particular, than so can your significant other.
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