2008 Woodie Awards
Don't stop at St. Patrick's Day, save me from these holidays, too
By: Greg Chick
Issue date: 3/17/08 Section: Forum
So have you heard the one about the University administrators moving spring break to coincide with St. Patrick's Day to avoid all the trouble the holiday brings? Instead of focusing on providing a quality education, improving retention and lowering tuition, the head honchos that run the place are in their well-furnished offices wasting time on silly issues such as this.
This stuff is too good to make up. It has to be true.
When I heard about the proposal, I, like any other rational person, couldn't deny the logic in the decision. I mean, if I were an upper level University administrator, why would I want to try to actually face the problem of student drinking when I can just move spring break to cover it up a little?
Who needs to educate students about the risks of binge drinking or coordinate University and local police to be prepared to handle the situation when you can all but delete the Super Bowl of drinking with a spring break? Since when was college about helping students learn, grow and develop when you've got the institution's image to worry about?
Well, to do my part in helping this place run more smoothly, I thought I'd offer a few suggestions to those charged with my and my colleagues' success. I'll even go in order of the calendar year just so those bureaucrats don't have to spend more time away from playing DDR in the Union to put them all in order.
The first holiday that needs to be somehow averted is Valentine's Day. The transfer of STIs and creation of unplanned pregnancies transpires on that day more than any other day of the year. Such popular campus-wide sexual practices are a scar to the righteous University image.
No right-minded college would want the public relations nightmare that is the health epidemic of Valentine's Day. Why, what would potential students and parents think? They could actually believe that fabled story of how BGSU is the STI capital of the known universe.
If it were up to me, I'd shut down the whole campus for a week and actually enforce that ridiculous rule they have in the residence halls about not allowing sleepovers. They could force all the men to watch a "Biggest Loser" marathon and the women watch the World's Strongest Man competition on ESPN2.
This stuff is too good to make up. It has to be true.
When I heard about the proposal, I, like any other rational person, couldn't deny the logic in the decision. I mean, if I were an upper level University administrator, why would I want to try to actually face the problem of student drinking when I can just move spring break to cover it up a little?
Who needs to educate students about the risks of binge drinking or coordinate University and local police to be prepared to handle the situation when you can all but delete the Super Bowl of drinking with a spring break? Since when was college about helping students learn, grow and develop when you've got the institution's image to worry about?
Well, to do my part in helping this place run more smoothly, I thought I'd offer a few suggestions to those charged with my and my colleagues' success. I'll even go in order of the calendar year just so those bureaucrats don't have to spend more time away from playing DDR in the Union to put them all in order.
The first holiday that needs to be somehow averted is Valentine's Day. The transfer of STIs and creation of unplanned pregnancies transpires on that day more than any other day of the year. Such popular campus-wide sexual practices are a scar to the righteous University image.
No right-minded college would want the public relations nightmare that is the health epidemic of Valentine's Day. Why, what would potential students and parents think? They could actually believe that fabled story of how BGSU is the STI capital of the known universe.
If it were up to me, I'd shut down the whole campus for a week and actually enforce that ridiculous rule they have in the residence halls about not allowing sleepovers. They could force all the men to watch a "Biggest Loser" marathon and the women watch the World's Strongest Man competition on ESPN2.
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