2008 Woodie Awards
ManBearPig devours global warming threat
By: Sean Martin
Issue date: 3/12/08 Section: Forum
ManBearPig will kill us all!
When I first heard this I thought, "Oh Noes!!1!1 We are all dewmed!"
If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about global warming, the mythical cousin of Bigfoot and Chupachabra.
In case you were too busy swilling down Al Gore's Kool-Aid, many new developments have happened in this great debate.
Debate is an inappropriate descriptor. By debate I mean fascist, psychotic fearmongering that is being countered by rational facts.
First, the poles (not the people, the places) are actually gaining ice. The Arctic regained all of the ice it lost over the past year. In Antarctica, many places have the largest amount of sea ice on record. Looks like things are going to be OK.
Is it possible that the melt is a lot of BS hype, filmed by people who went to the poles in the summer when there is always melting?
Those poor little polar bears that drink Coke and drown in "An Inconvenient Truth" are increasing in number. I won't even go into the fact that they can swim nearly 100 miles.
They are now so numerous that folks in Greenland have to have bear patrols, and close schools when the bears come into town.
What can explain this? Well, if global warming is at fault, then global warming is a good thing since the polar bears are increasing. Also, these kind, cuddly creatures are now being able to interact with more children, and that's just plain nice.
Or, there is more sea ice in the Arctic, which is forcing the polar bears to find food on land since the sea is choked with ice.
The most interesting fact in recent scientific discovery is something that Hadley, NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, the University of Alabama at Huntsville and the Royal Statistical Society have all documented.
The average global temperature from January 2007 to 2008 has decreased by .595 degrees Centigrade. In fact, this documented change is the biggest change (high or low) ever recorded in history.
When I first heard this I thought, "Oh Noes!!1!1 We are all dewmed!"
If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about global warming, the mythical cousin of Bigfoot and Chupachabra.
In case you were too busy swilling down Al Gore's Kool-Aid, many new developments have happened in this great debate.
Debate is an inappropriate descriptor. By debate I mean fascist, psychotic fearmongering that is being countered by rational facts.
First, the poles (not the people, the places) are actually gaining ice. The Arctic regained all of the ice it lost over the past year. In Antarctica, many places have the largest amount of sea ice on record. Looks like things are going to be OK.
Is it possible that the melt is a lot of BS hype, filmed by people who went to the poles in the summer when there is always melting?
Those poor little polar bears that drink Coke and drown in "An Inconvenient Truth" are increasing in number. I won't even go into the fact that they can swim nearly 100 miles.
They are now so numerous that folks in Greenland have to have bear patrols, and close schools when the bears come into town.
What can explain this? Well, if global warming is at fault, then global warming is a good thing since the polar bears are increasing. Also, these kind, cuddly creatures are now being able to interact with more children, and that's just plain nice.
Or, there is more sea ice in the Arctic, which is forcing the polar bears to find food on land since the sea is choked with ice.
The most interesting fact in recent scientific discovery is something that Hadley, NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies, the University of Alabama at Huntsville and the Royal Statistical Society have all documented.
The average global temperature from January 2007 to 2008 has decreased by .595 degrees Centigrade. In fact, this documented change is the biggest change (high or low) ever recorded in history.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 19
a
posted 3/12/08 @ 4:17 AM EST
I don't even know where to begin. The scientific consensus is by and large that it's happening and all the South Park references and misleading statements that amount to "look how cold it is! Global warming is real but it's COLD??" in the world won't change that. (Continued…)
Me
posted 3/12/08 @ 8:45 AM EST
Reading this article just makes me want to cry, I couldn't even finish it. It's so... pathetic.
get real
Jon S
posted 3/12/08 @ 8:46 AM EST
Well, at one time the scientific consensus said that the earth was flat. Anyone who argued with them had their reputation and career destroyed. Back in the 70s the scientific community had decided that we were under going global cooling. (Continued…)
Mike
posted 3/12/08 @ 10:51 AM EST
CFLs as crap? What? Do some research, and get a brain, dude.
Approximately 70% of the USA's power comes from coal, which burning it emits tons of mercury into the environment each year, so much, that it represents 40% of the USA's annual mercury emmissions. (Continued…)
Jon S
posted 3/12/08 @ 11:13 AM EST
I don't think his point was that they're not good. His point, although unclear is the government should not tell us what we can and cannot use. As a recent bill passed through the legislation elminating all incandescent light bulbs forcing the average person to pay more for a light bulb. (Continued…)
Me
posted 3/12/08 @ 1:11 PM EST
G-d forbid people actually do things to help the world in the long run.
jeff martin
posted 3/12/08 @ 2:59 PM EST
" but not until very recently in Earth's history did a stunning and significant amount of CO2 start to be pumped into the Earth's atmosphere."
a, the problem is that the temp. (Continued…)
Boxorox
posted 3/12/08 @ 6:56 PM EST
Right on! Over decades, global warming is a demonstrated fact, but it is far less extensive than the hype would lead us to believe and it certainly not dangerous to our existence and might, in the long-run, even be beneficial to us for the production of food and opening ports and shipping channels often closed due to sea ice, plus other advantages. (Continued…)
jeff martin
posted 3/12/08 @ 8:23 PM EST
a, When the ice melts, it lowers the waters density because it's salinity is less. Less dense water would cause LESS ice to appear above the water since the density of the ice would remain the same or increase if temps were warmer. (Continued…)
Jon S
posted 3/12/08 @ 8:46 PM EST
The increase in CO2 levels is caused by the increase in cattle and moose populations and their flatulence.
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